A facebook friend commented: And how do you learn to do that?

Here is how I responded to the question: Great question!  The best place to begin is finding the courage to live more authentically. The more you can do that the more you will begin to feel good about yourself and who you are. When you hesitate to be authentic use the hesitation to examine the thought or belief that is holding you back. Almost always you will find it to be a primitive ego belief from early childhood. If so, move into the more “adult” you and embrace your authenticity.

When we take the time to stop and observe our feelings, the goal is to explore the beliefs that reside behind them. Every feeling we experience is created by a mental belief that we hold in our thoughts. This is especially important when we have negative feelings. We almost always send negative energy into the world when we have negative feelings. If we are able to sit with the feelings, the thoughts that created the negative feeling will become clear…….often an expectation that wasn’t met, a judgment about someone’s behavior or comment, a belief that something just isn’t right, etc.

The negative feeling means we are either distorting reality ( our expectation “should” have been met!!!!!!!), or we are resisting reality (the rain ruined the whole day!!!).

As we become more self-aware, we begin to see the thoughts that are generating our feelings and creating the negative energy we are sending into the world.

Without self-awareness our ego will continue to create unhappiness in our lives.

Thanks for taking the time to send along the question. When we share our questions, we give voice to the questions that other have.

Dick

Thanks for the invite to share what I am struggling with now.  I seem to be in a dark night at the present.  Struggling with deeper ego attachments than I realized were even there.

I thought I had pretty well detached from most things but am finding things coming up that I was not even aware existed.

Shalom

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Sorry it has taken me so long to respond…….a very busy two weeks.

When we are in a dark night experience it is important to remind ourselves that the experience is burning away those parts of our “ego-self” that need to be burned away. What is left when you emerge from the experience is a new you……more in touch with your true authentic self.

Letting go of ego attachments is an ongoing process. Just about the time we think we are moving forward we bump into another deeper attachment. It sounds like you are doing a good job of staying present and self-aware………all growth in self-awareness is authentic spiritual growth.

Thanks for sending your comments. When we speak about and share our own journey, we are giving voice to the journey of others.

Take care

Dick Rauscher

The Question From A Reader

hello, I  keep reading and re-reading your insights over and over again. Thanks for your guidance. But now I am beginning to find myself lost as to where I belong and what am I doing on earth. Nothing seems to catch my attention and charm for a longer time. Can you throw some light on why is this happening to me?

My Response To Her

Dear Reader, Feeling lost can be a very painful experience. But I think the experience of feeling lost also speaks to a deeply felt need; a sense that we are hungering for something more in our lives.

So be careful not to get stuck in the pain and confusion. Use them as a sign that life is calling you forward.

I have found that when the pain and lack of direction is too much, we need to reach out for help. For me it meant getting into therapy with a well trained and experienced therapist. It changed my life.

So often the pain and hopeless we feel is born in childhood and we need to understand where it’s coming from and why. Until we do, those feelings can often keep us from moving forward and becoming the person we were meant to be. A therapist can be very helpful.

If the feelings you are experiencing are more generalized, and not so intense they are interfering with your day to day life, you might want to consider working with a life coach.

I hope you can get some help and break through what ever it is that has you blocked and feeling the way you’re feeling. There are answers, you just have to embrace the courage to take care of yourself and find the answers you need.

If I can be of further help, let me know and I will try to answer any questions you might have. Don’t give up hope. The world needs your gifts.

Dick Rauscher

When you take into consideration that the only thing we have the power to change is ourselves, declaring war on the universe is a battle our ego is probably going to lose. Especially when we take into consideration the reality that even the changes we think we are making in ourselves are in reality temporary and impermanent. Given that our human consciousness is always growing and “becoming”, we are always changing and transforming who we are. At the level of ego, the person we are today is never the person we were yesterday. No change is permanent.

Briefly, the three ways of describing our war with the universe and our ego’s inability to “be” with “what is” are a) pushing the river, b) expectations; the hope that something will make us happy in the future, and c) our primitive ego’s need to use a black-and-white thinking process to protect its sense of “self”.

Pushing the river is just what it implies. When the river of reality is flowing, picture yourself trying to stop the river by pushing it back up stream. The image that comes into my mind when I think of pushing the river is very much like trying to empty the ocean, one spoonful at a time. Denying reality is not a good way to achieve happiness!

Expectations are simply our ego’s illusion or “hope” that something in the future will have the power to make us happy. Since our ego insists on using impermanent forms of creation to attach our sense of “self” to, the outcome of virtually all “expectations” is going to be fleeting at best; even if the outcome does make us happy momentarily.

Unconsciously, the ego’s wish is almost always the desire to be unhappy. This is because unhappiness reinforces our ego’s attachment to our sad life-story; the story that explains in agonizing detail why we can never be happy or successful given our “childhood” experiences.

Expectations deny the reality that psychological time is an illusion. The only “reality” that actually exists is “now”. The past is over and done with, and the future has not yet happened. For the butterfly, the tree, the vast variety of life, there is no such thing as time. Only humans experience psychological time called yesterday and tomorrow.

Using a black-and-white thinking process is our primitive ego’s way of protecting the beliefs and worldview that it has attached to as a way to create its sense of “self”. By assuming that its beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings, and worldview represent absolute truth, our ego never has to deal with the anxiety that it might be wrong. In other words, it can never be criticized. Of course, on the down side, this kind of thinking creates virtually all of the conflict and violence we see in the world today.

Summary

Our ego is very creative in its ability to deny reality, but every time it does, it creates pain, anxiety, and unhappiness for our conscious “self”. So to experience true happiness, learn to live fully in the present moment, and learn to use every experience of unhappiness or anxiety to discover the ego illusions you are using to deny reality or “what is”.

Intentional self-awareness, which is only possible in the present moment, is the most powerful spiritual practice you can use to achieve true happiness.

Here are a few tips that can help.

1)    You know all the things I’m going to suggest on this list. Yup. You’ve heard them all before. The problem with most of us is that we’ve heard them but we haven’t implemented them in our lives. An idea in the brain is not going to be helpful until we actually incorporate the idea into our day-to-day life. So tip # 1—-pick one idea out of this list and implement it. Discipline yourself to do it every day until it becomes a habit. This usually takes thirty to sixty days.

2)    Everything in life—-every decision, every action, every choice you make is either a reaction to something out in the world, or it’s a pro-active choice; a choice to work on a goal or dream coming from inside. In other words, we can “choose” to be more pro-active and less reactive. Our ego is hardwired to be reactive. It is easily distracted. Reacting is what happens when your asleep, unconscious, and using a primitive level of consciousness. Pro-active choices reflect a consciousness that is awakened, fully conscious, and more enlightened…..more self-aware and attentive to what is truly important in your life. Make the choice to be more pro-active.

3)    Get the big rock in the jar before the details that life is going to throw at you begin to distract you and fill up your day. In other words, be disciplined. Get up earlier in the morning, before the rest of the world starts putting demands on your time and attention, and use that time to work on your dream. You can answer email, take a shower, fix breakfast, and make phone calls after you have worked on your “big rock”.

4)    Decide what you are going to drop from your daily routine. You can’t accomplish everything your mind would like to accomplish. So this tip is similar to #3 above—–carve out time to work on your dreams. You have all the time there is! The question is how are you going to use it? What things are essential and what things just fill up your day? Drop the filler items and use that time to focus on what is truly important to you.

5)    Last, and most importantly, write your goals for the next day down on paper before you go to bed. And prioritize the list. A great quote I heard recently is ‎”Until you commit your goals to paper, you have intentions that are seeds without soil.”

If you want to be successful and make your dreams come true, you have to embrace discipline, and win the battle with procrastination. It all comes down to either conscious pro-active choices or unconscious reactive knee-jerks. If you want to be successful and make your dreams come true, go with pro-active.

On the surface, this seems like a simple and straight forward concept. Right?

Actually changing the way we think however is a bit more subtle and challenging. We all have ways to avoid change. We all employ devious and unconscious ways of avoiding making changes in the way we think.

Let me give you a very common example of what I’m talking about. It’s called the “yea but” response and it sounds like this…

• Wow, I think that’s a great idea “but”………..
• That is a wonderful concept and I’m sure it would be helpful “but”……….
• I have a friend that does that “but” she doesn’t have to worry about………..

What is important to recognize is that “yea but’ is nothing but an unconscious power struggle between your primitive ego, which does not like change, and the idea being considered. Your primitive ego is always looking for reasons why change is not a good idea, why it’s not possible, or why it wouldn’t work for you.

If the idea you are considering means you will have to change the way you think, which of course will lead to changes in the way you behave or function in the world, simply know that your primitive ego is going to kick on the auto-pilot and begin telling you why it’s a great idea “but” it won’t work. Be ready for the dialogue. Take notes if you have to, but don’t let the idea get away from you. Go ahead and implement it. Make it happen.

Once your primitive ego knows you’re serious about making the change, it will switch tactics and begin using “shinny objects” for example, to distract you. If it is a good idea write it down and implement it in your life so it becomes a habit.

One final thought, if you offer someone an idea that could be helpful for them and you get a “yea but” response……..don’t try to convince them they are wrong. You will simply be wasting your time and theirs. They will win the power struggle because the struggle is unconscious. They are unaware they are doing it, so using logic to help them change their minds is rarely helpful.

Simply drop the discussion. Over time they may begin to hear the wisdom in your idea but “you” can’t convince them….they have to see the wisdom for themselves.

Once you begin paying attention, you will hear others using the “yea but” response constantly. If you want to be happy and successful in life, learn to hear “yea but” when those words are coming out of your mouth.

“Yea but” will shut down your ability to grow—–faster than you can say the words.

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